[নোঙর 2016] The Dream and Purpose of my Life : Khorshed Alam (10)

Upon the death of my two infant brothers, I became the youngest child in my family. As my mother would often say, I was fortunate to be breastfed for 3 years. I had two older brothers, followed by two sisters who were my best companions during my childhood. Hence, I started playing many girlish games and had many little girlfriends with whom I would play kut-Kut, churi vanga, putul-biye etc. and was oblivious of the surrounding genders. As I grew, I started playing boyish games with boys, but mostly street games, usually played by the children of the slums, such as Marbles, Danguti, Ha-du-du, Ghuddi urano, amongst others. I even used to roll used bicycle rims and collect empty cigarette packets from the dustbins in the early morning after picking some fallen bakul phuls from pir jongir mazar, Shajahanpur. Those empty cigarette packets would be our currency for playing with chara vanga on steep slopes nearby home. Throw a chara vanga down the slope from a marked line and offer 500 or 1000 taka to your opponent if he can throw his chara to land within a palm’s distance of yours. It was a pleasure as parents did not object to our such ‘gambling’ habit. Empty cigarette packets were valued for their rarity, instead of the real value of the cigarettes they used to hold. Like a K-2 cigarette packet was one of the highly valued ones, even though they were much cheaper than 555 sold in the shop. That is how I piddled away my non-school hours as a young kid.

As my sisters’ pet, I followed them everywhere and this included school. When I started going to school, my older sister was already in primary three. On the very first day I followed her to the classroom, the teacher asked my sister why I was there. My sister reluctantly told him that I wanted to study together with her. The teacher smiled and asked me whether I could read the article on Makroshar Jal (spider web). I was well trained at home, I believe and as per the teacher, I did well. Even then, I was advised to go one class lower, to Primary 2. So began the separation of my sister’s companionship. Prior to my SSC (Secondary School Certificate) exam (O- level equivalent), I had to pay the price of skipping P-1 when the teacher called my father to inform him that I was too young to sit for SSC. Fortunately, we are the children of the developing world. We had no birth certificates and no identity cards. Whatever date of birth (D.O.B) that would be stated during the registration process of the SSC exam would become my D.O.B. And so, along with the year, my D.O.B. was changed from 10th October to 1st September. Till today, I have to celebrate my false birthday in the office. My daughter often asks me, Dad isn’t today (01.09) your false birthday? I reply with a smile, “Yes Ma; it is”. I was once asked by one of my colleagues, “Why do most of Bangladeshis have birthdays on the 1st of the month?” I had no answer for that question. Similarly, there is no reason as to why all Bangladeshi Hajj pilgrims have white beard. They are not born with white beard, that is for sure. This is part of our culture and answers to these questions need further contemplation.

Time flies. In no time, I was an adolescent. Our house came under land acquisition for Railway quarters. We were given rehabilitated land, and at around the same time, I changed school. By then, I was in high school and the thinnest underweight boy in my class, weighing only 59 pounds. My marble and Kut-Kut playing days were far gone by then. I became active in Soccer, Cricket, Volley ball and Badminton. My circle of friends was ‘rojak’, as they like to say in Singapore. They consisted of bengalis, biharis (urdu speaking non-bengalis), paupers and the filthy rich. Some were well disciplined and others not so. Hence, I encountered the experience of walking with my lesser disciplined friends from Malibag to Banani to steal some kathal (jack fruit) from the residence of then Governor of East Pakistan, Monem Khan. In those days, Banani was like the woods or the jungle. No one cared if some youngsters were riding on a kathal tree without their permission to pick some kathal. Unfortunately, this was not my first encounter with Monem Khan. I soon encountered him on 14th of August, Pakistan’s Independence Day. Selected schools were to parade in the stadium on the Independence Day. I fainted in the stadium while waiting for Monem Khan to witness the school parades and shake hands with the students. I had been without food or water under the hot midday sun. Monem Khan was shaking hands with a student only a few steps away from where I fainted. This was fortunate. Otherwise, he would have recognised the young Kathal chor that day. Just joking.  I fainted as Monem Khan was late and I learned about stretched or rubber time of our beloved country since then.

Talking about being late, I used to be late for school almost every day and would miss the assembly, where we had to sing the national anthem, ‘Pakistan Jindabad’, in Urdu and in Bengali. The school was nearby and my classes were in the afternoon. I would play soccer all morning and rush home after the first bell rang. By the time I was crossing the field to reach school, the second bell would ring. I knew my fate then- stand on the chair or kneel on the ground with coin on your forehead for almost half a period. This used to be the punishment in those days. Beating was common; especially from Diniat (Islamic study) Sir. Once I was beaten for pronouncing ‘halim’ instead of ‘jalim’ while reading a Surah from the Qur’an. I wondered why he was scolding me for not pronouncing the word correctly and I insisted that I was right. Once he started beating me with the cane, my finger on the page moved, and I realised there was a dot under Ha, i.e. it should be pronounced Ja. Recalling of all these memories brings a smile to my face today.

Although my teachers liked me, I never scored well enough on tests to be at the top of the class. Mostly, I was between second and fifth positions out of 50 students. Not once was I the top student. The reason was possibly my immaturity. Once I wrote a 10 page answer to a question in a social studies exam. For this reason, I could only answer one question during the three hour long test. I was supposed to answer 6 questions, each carrying 16 marks, and another 4 marks were to be awarded for good handwriting. I was technically supposed to fail. The teacher mocked me while distributing the paper and the results. He gave me 16 out of 16 for the answer of the question, which is very unusual for a social studies answer. He advised all the other students not to follow my technique, as it would make them fail in an exam. Nevertheless, he gave me 17 grace marks on the question so that I would pass. He wrote a remark: “Special marks given for the extraordinary answer on the single question answered, which surpasses the SEC-2 standards of writing”.  This is why I said that the teachers used to like me.  I had committed more blunders. Our school sent two students for brittee (scholarship) exam of class eight. Being 2nd in the class, I was qualified to represent the school. I was very excited and prepared very well for the exam. Both my elder brother and sister had secured scholarships and paying school fees was considered shame in our family. My eldest brother taught me well about social studies. Social studies comprised of Itihash (History), Vugol (Geography) and Powroniti (Civics). He taught me how to draw the map of East Pakistan. He repeatedly told me that there will always be a question where I would need to draw a map showing all the forests, hills and other geographic features. The maps were imprinted in my brain and my fingers subconsciously could draw the map with my eyes closed. But alas, my immaturity struck again. In every three sections of the paper, it was written in bold, “Ek number prosner uttar shaho je kono duity prosner uttor dao.” That means, “Answer question number one and any other two.” Unfortunately, I took it to mean that I could answer any two questions of each section. This was funny. I thought- “Bingo”. I don’t need to draw the map under the geography section, which was question number ‘1’ . Instead, I chose to answer the question where I would ‘fill in the blanks’ for the capitals of the countries. The rationale for doing this was that there would always be some deduction in marks for Map drawing owing to some imperfection. On the other hand, for the capitals, it would be chhakka (solid) mark. I did the same for History and Civics. As would be expected, I finished my papers much earlier than the other students. I just looked at my neighbour in the exam hall and wondered why he ticked 3 questions in each section of his question paper. Upon reaching home, my eldest brother’s first question was- “How was your map drawing?” I answered- “I didn’t have to, as I answered the capitals of the countries.” My eldest told me that I need not go for mathematics exam tomorrow. This was a scholarship exam and very competitive. I had buggered it up. I knew all the answers, but I failed to read the question properly. Although I went for the mathematics exam the next day and answered well, I did not get scholarship, as was predicted. Somehow, I survived with some humility at home and in the classroom. My teachers had high hopes for me and I disappointed them. Somehow, I did well in the SSC exam. But, my callousness continued even in the HSC exam. I became organised slowly in the Marine Academy and then became exam savvy during my class II  D.O.T. exam. By then, I had learnt the art of the exam and how to score well. I learnt that you need not show all your knowledge in every answer to every question. You need to create the impression on the teacher that you know the subject well and to precisely demonstrate the points with drawings, graphs (often self-made) and some mathematics. Then the answers look impressive and become self-explanatory. Since then, I acquitted well in each and every test and I became exam savvy.

After the liberation struggle of 1971, I sat for HSC (Higher Secondary School Certificate) against condensed syllabus. I came to know about the advertisement of Marine Academy courses through my childhood friend, Sana. He applied and encouraged me to apply too. He was a meritorious student, but could not qualify owing to his short height. Ultimately, he became a doctor and I embarked on this unconventional sea going career (that is how it used to be seen those days). My time in Academy was full of discipline. I didn’t have such disciplined life prior to Academy, but managed to acclimate well. Our first Commandant was Navy Commander M.A. Khan from navy, Chief officer was Capt Zakaria from 1st batch, Mr Nurul Amin was the Chief Education Officer and Mr Mohiuddin from 1st batch was our Chief Engineer. In 1983, I again met Mr Mohiuddin after a decade, when he sat for Class I Naval Arch paper with me. He had not finished a couple of papers prior to leaving sea life. Mr N W Khondoker, his batchmate was the Chief Examiner. During our tenure in Academy, there was a shortage of marine lecturers. Another part time lecturer was Mr Shukkur Mahmud, who died a few years after in a plane crash. Before leaving the academy, Commandant Khan received his promotion as Captain and soon after Captain Agnus Letty, one of the five Assistant Masters of QEII, took over commandantship from Capt Khan. We also had a British lecturer Lt commander Jail and an American Lecturer Norton. There are so many sweet memories of the marine academy. Being the first batch of Bangladesh, we didn’t have seniors. But the very first day, there were some blood thirsty non-resident seniors of 9th batch, who had been waiting for us – to collect their share of joy of torturing the juniors. The animalistic tradition of the academy ought to be maintained irrespective of whether we were the virgin batch of Bangladesh or not. They disappeared after a couple of days. We managed the rest of the year taking the role of the cadet captains on rotation basis. It was amazing how many of us picked up the art of those atrocious punishment and torture without being subjected to the similar punishment from our seniors. There were many successful torturers who would take pride in torturing and objurgating our juniors who had joined us a year after. How time flies. 40 years have passed since I left the Academy. But my memories are still vivid and a kind of nostalgia sets in whenever I recall those days in some idle moments while looking at the mackerel sky or the breaking waves on a beach . “Sleep smartly”, Shouts Capt Zakaria during his night duty as the duty officer, when he discovers a cadet’s hand outside the mosquito net or another day when he caught me in my morning prayer while I was getting late for P.T. (physical training)- “You bloody hell, I know you started praying when you heard my voice”. Certainly, he did not pretend to be the God sent angel; he acted like the God. I am not sure where is my that beloved senior today. I pray for his good health and happiness. This is amazing how being tortured and punished by the seniors; you still tend to love them and remain proud of being the part of that Academy brotherhood and bond. Many of my seniors and juniors are living nearby me in Singapore. Many have passed away. Today, as I see, I have lost a good number of my batchmates – Fazlul Karim, Abu Imam, Nazrul Kamal, Iftekhar and Morshed. Every such death only brings home the universal message- Life is too short and you never know when is your turn. Life and Death are the two sides of a coin. We are tossing the coin in every step of our life; to be precise, in every breath of our life. We are not sure whether the next breath would be the last one.

After two years of rigorous training and a disciplined life in the academy, our practical training in Narayanganj Shipyards came as a relief and brought a relaxed life. Those years also passed by pretty fast. A few of us, during that training period pursued our further studies and took Bachelor’s exams in the universities. That was when I received my Bachelor of Arts from Dhaka University with mathematics, economics and history. Instead of the scheduled 3 years of practical training, we were called by the Bangladesh Shipping Corporation (BSC) to join their vessels, as there was a shortage of engineers. Alas! That same BSC is today almost on the verge of bankruptcy and collapse. Anyway, that is another story. My first vessel was Banglar Khea, doing lightering jobs in Chittagong. This brought me the opportunity to go to Singapore, as the vessel had to undergo drydocking in Keppel Shipyard. The Captain was a Belgian and the Chief Engineer was Pakistani (I have forgotten their names); the second engineers were Chowdhury Bhai (6th Batch) and Ziauddin Bhai (6th Batch). Subsequently, I joined Banglar Progoti and stayed there for fifteen months to finish my sea-time for class II exam. The vessel was quite new compared to Khea. Many of my batchmates were there, among which were Mahmudul Huq, Abdul Aziz, Nazrul Kamal and Abi Abdullah. One of the Captains was a New Zealander (I have forgotten his name) and the other, Captain Kuddus; The Chief Engineers were a Pakistani from 6th Batch (I have forgotten his name) and Iftekhar Ahmed (lately was the general manager of BSC); the Second Engineers were Bashu Thakur, D.M.Ghosh and Mosharraf Bhai (6th Batch), who was murdered in Chittagong after a few years. Mazed Bhai from 6th batch was the third engineer and Delwar Bhai from 9th batch was the fourth engineer.

I finished the required sea-time for class II exam within these two ships. However, our whole batch had to complete our unfinished shipyard practical training of one year at BITAC in Dhaka. Again, a few of us pursued further studies and sat for AMIE (Mechanical) in this period. After a year at BITAC, almost the whole batch sat for the class II Part A exam. Only five of us got through. Among the five, two of us came to Singapore to do our Part B exam. The exam wasn’t so difficult to pass but finding a job in shipping in Singapore was extremely difficult. I went door to door to look for a job, but couldn’t find one. As I was planning to go back to BSC, I wanted to leave my address to the then General Manager of NOL, Mr Toh Ho Tay just in case there would be an opportunity in the future. To my surprise, he offered me the job of a third engineer on board Neptune Ruby. The run of the ship was good; it used to ply all over South American and Central American countries. Some port stays were almost two months long. After staying for 12 months, I was signed off from the vessel. I insisted on joining the next vessel immediately, as I was impatient to complete the required sea-time for the Class I exam. Subsequently, I joined Neptune Pearl as a second engineer and completed the rest of the sea-time. I learned the contrast between serving in a BSC vessel and a NOL vessel. I also learned the difference between sea life in a general cargo ship and a container ship. The container ships were then just emerging. Life was tough on NOL vessels. Those days we used to joke about the acronym, NOL – No Overtime Limit. After completing twenty one months of sea-time, I went home to collect my Class II hard cover. Until then, it was not in my possession owing to my bond with BSC. I sat for the Class I exam in Bangladesh, conducted by U.K. examiners. That is where I met our beloved Mohiuddin Sir, who was the Chief Engineer in Marine Academy during our time. He was sitting for the Naval Arch exam, which he had to clear to get his Class I cert. Passing the exam was easy; but getting my hardcover for Class I wasn’t. Never mind the story behind it; at the end, it was in my possession. Back at the NOL vessel, I was promoted to Chief engineer 6 months after passing my Class I exam. I served as Chief engineer until 1988. During my earlier sailing days, I had to be very mindful of my behaviour and work attitude. I knew that I was the only Bangladeshi sea farer among the NOL vessels. It was like playing the role of an ambassador, as if I was representing the whole nation there. If I failed in my attitude and behaviour, no more Bangladeshi would be employed in NOL, that was my fear. There were Bangladeshis before me who had served in NOL for a short while; among them was Zafrul Alam Bhai (6th batch) and Razzaqul Haider Bhai (9th batch). It was really good to see that many Bangladeshis were subsequently been employed in NOL vessels over the decades. Eventually, the golden goose was lost, when two Bangladeshi Marine Cadets jumped ship in U.S.A. Since then, the employment of all Bangladeshis had been frozen in NOL vessels. My earlier fears eventually came true, as these selfish young men failed to play the role of ambassadors. What lacked in them was noblesse oblige.

I came from a family where education was more highly valued than money. My elder brother was very successful in his education. He obtained first class first in MSc physics from Dhaka university and had his PhD soon after. Never I forgot the fact that I failed to get the secondary school brittee (scholarship), which my other siblings got. Deep inside, I often envied my brother’s success and at the same time, harboured aspirations of following in his footstep. In those days, this was not so easy for marine engineers to do higher studies. Our marine academy degree was not recognised as an academic achievement. Because of this, I had to obtain my Bachelor of Arts and AMIE to get some recognition in the academic arena. After serving for three years as Chief Engineer, I saved enough to pursue my extra first class (equivalent to degree). By then I had also gotten married. I headed for U.K. to pursue my extra first class in Southshield College. There were only two students. We had been told that the minimum class strength had to be two; otherwise the course would not continue. I wasn’t very happy to hear that. So, as soon as another student joined us, I decided to withdraw. There was another reason too for my withdrawal. I came to the realisation that this extra first class was not really meant for me, as I wanted to set my path for further education up to PhD level. Extra first class is a vocational certificate and is only known within the marine industry. I tried to get into Newcastle University. However, the head of the department, Professor Buxton demanded that I did full 3 years course to complete the degree as he would not recognise my degree in Mathematics from Dhaka University. I could not come to the term that just for mathematics, I would have to do an extra year and this would certainly cost me a lot. Hence, I decided to do my degree in the Australian Maritime College (AMC), where my degree in mathematics was recognized. After completing my Bachelor degree in Marine Engineering from AMC, I sailed again as Chief engineer on board NOL vessels for a year and then was offered the Superintendent’s job onshore. I believe that I was valued well and hence eventually climbed up to the corporate level as the Technical Director within a decade. Even in this demanding job, I maintained my aspiration of acquiring the ultimate achievement of academic excellence, the PhD. During this period, I completed two MSc degrees; one in Marine Engineering from Newcastle University upon Tyne (NU) and the other one in Environmental Science from National University of Singapore (NUS). My motivation enhanced as I was getting nearer to my PhD ambition. Soon after, I received offers from two universities and I decided to double PhD like my double Bachelors and Masters. The challenges and stakes were really high. I slept only for three to four hours a night year after year and spent uncountable late nights carrying out hundreds of experiments in the NUS labs. Simultaneously, there were numerous trips to Europe to conduct the Jig tests for the NU PhD experiments. Eventually, I conquered my Himalaya. Like a mountain climber after reaching the peak, I could only wonder – “Have I really made it?”  My only regret is that I couldn’t do it earlier, as I didn’t have the means to pursue my dream. By the time I had reached the peak, the man who would most admire my academic achievement, my father, had passed away. My mother was suffering from dementia and couldn’t even recognise her son. But that is how God provides- He gives with one hand and takes back with another. My academic achievements have cost me a lot, as I had to bear all the cost myself. I could possibly be richer than what I am now, but there is no regret as I have fulfilled my dream to the extreme. There is always a cost for fulfilling every dream. One might ask what purpose my fulfilled dream served at the end. My children comment, “You have raised the bar for us”. My elder brother comments,“ You beat me at the end.” My inner voice whispers, “You reached your set destination and became sagacious”. And knowing that this world is full of discrimination, in this discriminatory world, one cannot fight the discrimination of colour, height, country of birth- but you can, on the other hand, acquire the same level of knowledge of any other race or colour.

Again, knowledge is a funny thing; more you have it, more you feel its emptiness. These are school based knowledge. And how about the true knowledge?  Like Socrates said, “To know, is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge”.

With knowledge, pride diminishes. Einstein ever said, “EGO = 1/KNOWLEDGE”. Knowledge is the tenant of the house, called wisdom. At the end, I could say that I travelled a long path, a path of knowledge I wished to travel. And today, my wish is to travel the other path, the path of wisdom, for which Lao Tzu says, “To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things everyday.”

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AKM Khorshed Alam: 10th Batch, Marine Academy.
PhD, MSc Eng (University of New Castle upon Tyne, UK), MSc Eng (Environmental Science and Engineering, National University of Singapore), BEng (Australia), BA, Eur Ing, C.Eng, CMarEng, CMarTech, FRINA, FIMarEST, FSNAMES
Presently working as Vice President & Regional Manager of DNV GL – Maritime Advisory,South East Asia & Asia Pacific.
Ex Director of APL [Engineering, Energy Management and Research & Development]. He has served NOL Group for 31 years

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