[নোঙর 2016] An Open Letter to Grand Pa’ : Saiyara Makhnoon

Dear Grandpa,

It has been quite a while since I last saw you. Almost 8 years to be exact. So much has happened in the last 8 years. New technologies, interesting inventions. No one regards “Apples” as just fruits anymore. You have yet to see your second granddaughter, my 6 year old sister. I am now no longer a petite 6 year old. I am a 14 year old teenager. I’m sure you would be quite surprised if you were to see me now. I have changed drastically. I am now taller, skinnier and I look a lot more matured now. My character has changed quite a bit too. I no longer am a curious 6 year old who thinks life is simply a linear equation to success peppered with opportunities. I no longer jump around from bed to bed pretending the floor was lava. I no longer throw tantrums or scream and bawl in the middle of a road and I don’t find joy in every little thing.

Sometimes, I try to think back and remember who that 6 year old girl was who had all the energy and life in her. And most of the time, I fail to remember that person. I am now matured, sensitive, diplomatic and serious- a change that happens in every growing child. I had to learn life the hard way. No one ever hindered my imagination when I was young. No one ever told me that fate was the fruit of hard work. No one ever told me that fate was an open ended question that I didn’t have the answer to. Mom wanted me to dream and to believe in myself.
A few years after, I realised that in this world of ours, you have to work hard to get what you want. Not by throwing tantrums, not by bawling my eyes out and definitely not by complaining.

Grandpa, I saw you 8 years ago when you were tired, sick and bedridden. You held my tiny little hands and told me “Don’t ever let anyone bring you down,”. I didn’t know what that meant then, but now I do. Although the quote was cliche, it was one of the only few things I remembered you telling me, and I can never forget it. I grew older and I realised that there was a lot that brought me down. Our society was messed up. Everywhere you look, people are facing their phones. Face to face communication has ceased to exist.

A few nights ago I asked Mom, “What was Grandpa like?”

She told me about you, grandpa. She told me about what you were like. She said you were a man of morals. She told me about how you never got angry or impatient at anyone. She told me this one particular story of a colleague in your office who was releasing confidential information. She said that you calmly fired him and when he came back begging to let him back, you took sympathy and trusted him enough to let him work for you again. She said you were well-liked by everyone, regardless of age. She said you were the most kind-hearted human being anyone could ever find, you genuinely cared for everyone.

Mom told me how strong you were. How brave you were.

She told me how everyone broke down when you were diagnosed with a Stage 4 brain tumour and you were the only one who wasn’t tearing up. You were calm and composed. She told me how you went for your regular morning walks despite the fact that you couldn’t walk properly. The amount of resilience you had was simply breath-taking. Nowadays, people complain when their pictures don’t get enough likes on a social media. It really made me think about what has become of our society. Your situation would have put a lot in perspective. You grandpa, would have been a rose among the thorns if you were in this society of ours.

Mom told me about all the days you didn’t even cringe or cry in pain even though you were suffering so much. She told me how you never told anyone even when you were in pain because you didn’t want anyone to be worried sick about you. Now that I think about it, I realise why. You didn’t want to be special, you wanted to live a normal life where people don’t just show concern because they pity you. That is very true in this world of ours. People don’t care or memorialise anyone until they are actually gone. Most people aren’t even remembered until they pass away and that is when people start remembering that person. A very good example was Vincent Van Gogh whose art works weren’t even recognised till after he died. That is the very sad state of our world.

You put others before you, even when you were in a bad state. You didn’t want others to be affected by your bad condition. Mom told me how you took care of me every day when I was having a fever. She told me how you said my name before sliding into a coma. I really wish I knew how significant you were in my life then. I could have told you all of these earlier.

You took so many people with you when you passed away. None of us are the same without you. However, it has been 8 years and we are all a little broken but its fine. Mom wants to pass down your legacy through generations. I really feel bad wondering how lonely grandma must be without you. She really loved you a lot and every now and then she would tell me about you. I hope you realise how much you had impacted all of us.

Grandpa, you are my inspiration, you are my role model in life. It pains me to think all the silent suffering you have gone through and how you fought till your last breath. You are such a genuine and good human being and you really wanted the best for others. You put everyone else before you. A human being like you is so scarce to find in this world of ours where everyone is so obsessed with themselves. “Selfies” which is now a very important part of our society, shows the amount of self-worth we have in ourselves. It is hard to find someone truly and genuinely like you.

And yes, I know that this letter will never get to you. I am still going to write it anyways, a little girl can always dream. I really wish I could turn time and tell you all these earlier. I barely knew you yet you have such a big spot in my heart. Really goes to show how anyone can leave footprints behind, living or dead.

I want to be the one in this 21st century world of ours who is different. I want to be the one who puts others well-being before them. I want to be the one who cares for all. I want to be the one who helps others. And I want to commemorate you for all that you have done. Grandpa, everyone who knew you, knew you were a humble and great man and loved you- not because of your wealth, not because of your ranking, but because you made everyone feel loved and special. You have left a legacy in our hearts and that is what I want to accomplish in my lifetime. I want to leave a legacy in the hearts of people, I want to be like you, Grandpa, till my last breath.

Sincerely yours,
That little 6 year old you knew.
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Saiyara Makhnoon is currently studying in National Junior College, Secondary 3 and is the daughter of Md Ataul Majid (26th)