SOME ANECDOTES ABOUT MERCHANT NAVY: Mubashir Ahmed Khan (2E)
This joke is about the Navy. A naval ship is underway and two petty officers are on duty watch at the navigation bridge. It is afternoon time and one petty officer, to relax a bit sat on the captain’s chair. All of a Sudden, the commanding officer appeared on the bridge. The petty officer got off the chair, tapped it and after looking all around it, shouted to the other petty officer who was busy with the log book, “captain’s chair tested, found OK. Make entry in the log book”.
There was one shipyard in a developing country of Asia. A meeting was held by the top officials of the shipping ministry. The minister for shipping himself was chairing the meeting. The agenda was, how to improve shipping in the country and add more ships to the existing fleet. Three options were discussed. Option one; to buy more new ships but there would be finance problem. Option two; to purchase second hand ships from abroad which would be cheaper. Option three; to build ships in the country’s shipyard. This would also create job opportunities for country’s technicians. Finally, the minister said. “Cheaper ships and job opportunities for our people. We shall combine option two and three. Then he turned to his secretary, “prepare a summary, we shall build second hand ships in our shipyard”.
The year was 1996. I was chief engineer of Pakistani ship Sea Tradition. The vessel was berthed in Chittagong Port. One day I went to the BSC office to meet Captain Azizul Haq (3N) who was then serving as TD (Technical Director). I found him very busy in his file work. One BD mariner was also sitting with me facing Captain Sahib. This mariner narrated to me the story. Once a wheat ship came to Chittagong Anchorage. The shipping management informed the minister, “sir! the vessel cannot enter the port as we don’t have draft”. The minister said, “if you don’t have draft, import it as soon as possible”.
Once a deputy minister of shipping was invited on board a BSC vessel in Chittagong Port to grace a function. All preparations were made and the ship was fully illuminated with hundreds of lights. The minister on arrival remarked,” one third of Chittagong City is in darkness and the ship’s staff are wasting electricity on these huge illuminations. I shall inaugurate the function only after all the unnecessary lightings are put off.”
There was a wedding function in a shipowner’s family in Karachi. The officers of the vessel berthed in Karachi were directed to attend the function wearing uniform. All the nautical and engineering staff members except those on duty on board ship were present at the ceremony. One elderly member of the family, pointing to the uniformed officers, said to his guests in Punjabi language (as if boasting), “ yeh hamare naukar ne” meaning, they are our servants.
In Karachi Port, after visiting the vessel, the shipowner came down the gangway. The captain also came down to see him off. The shipowner, pointing towards the sea water discharge, asked the captain, “why is water coming out of the ship?”
The story of one teen sahib (third engineer) on board Pakistani ship is quite interesting. On this ship I was also serving as senior third and then second engineer. With heavy body, he had been a wrestler. He was quite good in professional duty but he would prefer to work on machines while sitting. Going up and down the stairs in the engine room was a bit difficult for him. He was fond of good food and pan. On visit to any port, he would have meal in a restaurant and then look for pan. His cabin on board ship would give the impression of “pan ki dukan”. He would place pan leaves around the boiler to dry up. He would then prepare the replacement of pan something called “gutka”. Our ship was in West Indies (Port of Spain, Trinidad and Tobago). Eid came and the ship’s staff went to different mosques for Eid prayers. I asked the third engineer, “teen sahib! where did you offer Eid prayer?” He answered, “the mosque I prayed in had a good number of pan trees. I collected as many pan leaves as possible.” Since this third engineer was bulky, the chief engineer ordered him to go on diet. On a later occasion, I said to him, “teen sahib! how is your dieting. I don’t see any change in your body.” He replied,” surely I am dieting. He became a bit emotional and said, “ mere nazdik dieting ka matlab hai dat kar khao”. Translation: For me, dieting means eating amply. Interestingly this teen sahib wrote Urdu poetry also.
It was before 1971 when I was junior engineer on board a Pakistani ship. The ship was berthed in Chittagong Port. Along with my shipmates, I went to an open-air restaurant, (I am forgetting its name). A good number of mariners would have meals in this restaurant. There was one young Pathan watchman on duty at the gate. We spoke to each other in our mother tongue i.e., Pashto. He asked me, “when will ship “Anwarjee” come to Chittagong? “Sakina-e-Arab” has sailed out recently. He used the words Anwarjee for Energy (Ocean Energy) and Sakina-e-Arab for Safina-e-Arab.
We Pakistani staff took over one 38000 tonnes bulk carrier in New Orleans (USA) on behalf of an American Shipping Company. After necessary hull repairs, the ship sailed to New York and was waiting at the NY anchorage for cargo. One smart middle aged Pakistani businessman wearing suit came on board. I also met him in the captain’s cabin. He said,” last time, I sent my cargo on a ship which sank. Now I have come to see the ship and satisfy myself that my cargo will reach Karachi safely”. He asked the captain many questions which were satisfactorily answered. He had a stroll on the deck also. He asked me,” as chief engineer what do you say about this vessel reaching Karachi safely?” My answer was, “Insha Allah the ship will reach Karachi with no problem.” This businessman seemed to be a knowledgeable person. Finally, he said, “I am happy, satisfied and will send my cargo by this ship.” When leaving, the captain and I went to gangway to see him off. Before going down the gangway, he said, “during our conversation, you told me that this ship is making 14 knots. What does knot mean?”
I have mentioned in my previous article, “the story of MV Solidarity”. The ship was in Dundee (Scotland). At night, I called the Engine Room and spoke to the watchkeeping engineer. “Give me a ring from the engine room at 6:30 AM”. Early morning next day, I got up quite early but waited for phone call from the engine room. At 6:30 AM, there was no phone call but a knock at my room door. I opened the door and saw duty oiler holding in his both hands one main engine piston ring.
In a foreign country, ship’s electrical engineer and I went to a big clothes store to buy a winter coat. We selected a coat and took it to the counter for payment. The salesman looked a little annoyed saying, “how did you pick it up? It is my personal coat.”
Near the Somalian coast, pirates came on board a European ship. The captain said to them, “I have with me forty thousand US dollars. Grab this amount and leave the ship.” The head pirate replied,” Do you think we are beggars to be satisfied with only forty thousand dollars. For your ship to be released we want one million dollars”.
Mubashir Ahmed Khan | London 18.10.2023
Email: mubashira2050@gmail.com
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